I Feel "It" Coming On

I feel "it" coming on. And by "it" I mean me being unsettled. Every so often I go through a stage where I want to make big changes - new house, new car and new job. My mind starts going in ten million different directions and I jump from one idea to the next. Sometimes I get off easy - like repainting the house while sometimes I up and move my wedding date to nine months earlier than what was initially planned. Let me be clear, I am not unhappy with my life, but I always wonder if maybe I am missing something. I like change and I like getting ready for something big. My poor husband tries to go with the flow when "it" comes on. It usually passes in a few days, but in the meantime I feel all jittery and scattered. I know I sound crazy, but at least (in most cases) I can control these urges. So here is what I am thinking (at least for now or in the last five minutes).

I should sale my house, so that I could pay off debt. Thus allowing Kev and me to adopt again.
Maybe we not only sale the house, but move (somewhere warm) in hopes that the economy would be better. It makes sense. If we are going to move we need to do so before Jordi starts school.
Maybe I don't need to sale the house. What if I apply for a bunch of adoption loans and grants, then we could adopt again.

The reality of the situation is --

The housing market is so bad that now is not a good time to sale our house.
I have a great job, so I really hate to move away and lose it.
Kev and I would really like to adopt again, but now is not really the time. Once Kev goes back to work and we get a little money in savings then we could consider it.

Little Man Growing Up

I took some of Jordi's clothes and toys to the consignment sale last night in hopes that I might make enough to cover the expenses of his upcoming birthday. It makes me sad packing up his old clothes. Clothes that he can no longer fit in, toys that are not "big boy" enough for him now. What happened to my baby? He is such a big boy now. The years seem to fly by so quickly once you have children. He will be starting school in the blink of an eye. So all this reflection on Jordi's being little then growing up makes me think - Do I want another one?

I really don't know. I would like to adopt again, but financially that is not feasible. Which is a shame because so many kids need homes. I could try to have a baby the "old fashioned" way, but I am not sure how I feel about that. We tried for awhile to have a child biological, but it didn't work out, so we started the adoption process which we had planned to do anyway. I don't think I can handle conceiving. I am not sure if I want to pregnant. And I also think that I have been so blessed with Jordi why would I want another one. And how could I ever love another child as much as I love Jordi? I know, I know, everyone says that you just do, but I love Jordi so much. For now I am not going to worry about it. It is in God's hands. The decision is too big for me to deal with.

Not So Great Check Up

JO had an appointment with his plastic surgeon on Friday to check the progress of his last surgery. JO's last surgery was to extend the palate, so that he would not lose so much air from his nose when talking. The surgery was a tough one on all of us. JO got sick and would not eat and we ended up staying in the hospital for two days. Not so fun with a three year old. Well, to my disappointment Dr. Thompson is unsure if the surgery was successful.

I know that these minor surgeries are everyday things for doctors, but to me each one that JO has is a big deal. A very big deal. They have to put him to sleep which is scary. He is pain for days. He usually does not eat for days thus loses weight. And JO is on the small side, so he does not need to lose weight.

Part of me wants to just say forget about it, no more surgeries. His speech may suffer, but I can't stand to see him in pain. The other part me thinks that this should be corrected while he is still young, so that he does not have to suffer with speech issues all through school. Which can also be painful. My heart says no more, while my head says repair it now. As a mother which one should I listen to?

I guess we will know more after they do further testing in March. Hopefully I getting all excited over nothing.

Weekly Weigh In

I lost some from last week, but I think it is related to the horrible stomach virus that we all had. I am considering going back to Weight Watchers. I have not gained, but I have not really lost either. I have been stuck at a five pound range (losing and gaining) for months. I need accountability. I just seemed to do better when I had to step up on the scale in front of my leader on Monday night.

Early Morning Heart Break

As I was getting ready this morning, I could hear my little boy talking to his dad. "Daddy, I don't want mama to go to work." I then heard my husband explain to him that mama has to work, so we can have money to buy food and most importantly toys. He then explained that mama would have to work today and tomorrow, but would then be able to stay home with him for two days. I came out of the bathroom to give my little man a big hug and a kiss. I did not want to leave him either. Being a parent is hard. You know that you must work to provide for your children, but I sure wish that I could be home with him. Luckily once cartoons were on he forgot all about me.

Weekly Weigh In

This weekly weigh in technically does not count since my family has been plagued by a serious stomach virus. I lost six pounds in 24 hours which totally stunk. Hopefully next week I will also have a loss, but not because I was blowing groceries every few minutes.

TGIF

I am so happy that it is Friday. And it is not only Friday, it's a three day weekend. Hooray! I really, really hope it does not snow this weekend. Planning to attend a ballgame tomorrow then some shopping. Anything to be out of the house since we have been snowed in the last few weekends.

Tonight my mom is hosting a party in celebration of the Olympics. Yes - we are a strange family and we will celebrate anything. Hooray Friday and Hooray Olympics!

Weekly Weigh In

Monday (2-8-10): WHAT HAPPENED? I gained! I gained! I gained! Maybe I deserved a little gain due to being snowed in for a few days and a Super Bowl party last night, but I did not have little gain. There has to be some kind of scientific explanation for someone who can gain so much in one week. So I messed up over the weekend, I worked out three times last week and stayed on plan (until the weekend). I must be retaining water. Like gallons of water. All I can do is get back on track and hope the scales are more kind for the next weigh in.



Thursday (2-11-10): I have not yet got back on track. I could eat the doors off the cabinets and still not be satisfied. I think a lot of it is the weather. When its cold and snowy outside you just want to eat. I feel like a need a break from calculating every piece of food that I put in my mouth. I don't want to exercise, I just want to be a blob. Is it normal to daydream about laying on the couch eating cookie dough and potato chips?

Hooray for Blue Sky

After many, many days of snow and ice we finally have blue sky. It is still cold, but nothing is falling from the sky, so I am happy, well happier than I was. I am so tired of wearing my snow boots, getting stuck and trying not to bust my rear when walking up and down the driveway. I am ready for Spring.